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Someone dear to me recently posted this and I’m at a loss.

I have been stewing on this for days now. Trying to come up with a response that is informational and non-confrontational. I’m not taking it to FB because there is no point. So I am posting here. In my space.

This is a complete false equivalency. Full stop. It’s not the same in any way.

Is it sad when military families are separated? Absolutely. I wish there wasn’t a need for that. When military families are separated the children are generally in their homes, with another parent, with family members, resuming as normal of a life as they can with the void of a missing parent.

This is a completely different situation. These are people who are trying to follow the law for the most part. They are entering the country and turning themselves in – requesting asylum. That is legal. They are being separated from their children, they are finding out that they may not be reunited with their children. They don’t know where their children are. The children have no idea where their parents are. How can someone not see that these situations are in no way the same?

Imagine being told that a gang is going to make your son or daughter theirs. What are you going to do? You’re going to flee. You’re going to go to somewhere that is a beacon for being safe. Even if that means leaving the only place you know.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with not following the “proper procedure” and the long arduous process, you cannot convince me that anyone who thinks it’s through thinks that it is okay to take a child from their parents, put them in a building, and potentially never reunite them.

This, this “policy” is a Trump/Sessions policy. I wish people would stop trying to put separation of families on the Obama administration. Just because Trump lies doesn’t make it true. I honestly do not know of many people conservative, liberal, in between, whatever who are not absolutely horrified by this. This is a humanitarian crisis and should be treated as such. This turn around? It’s better than ripping families apart, but it’s still unbelievable to me.

To blame parents is abhorrent. The blame for this falls at the feet of an administration bumbling through everything because they are unknowledgeable, intentionally divisive,  unwilling to listen, and appear to be going for shock value to impress people who are so far out of the realm of basic decency I can’t even understand it.

This is an atrocity and he shames our nation.

Posted in 'cause I'm always right, Are we actually going to survive the Trumpster fire?, I've got OPINIONS, politics | Leave a comment

Thanks, Democrats

Everyone should read up on how Harry Reid and the Democrats shot us all in the foot by changing the rules from a super majority to a simple majority in 2013.

To my dismay, I found myself agreeing with Mitch McConnell at the time. He warned that the “nuclear option” would come back to haunt Democrats -likely sooner than they thought.

Here we are waiting for Republicans to vote along the party line to confirm Betsy DeVos, who is wholly unqualified to be Education Secretary. #partyovercountry

Republican obstructionism brought this on, but let’s face the fact that changing the rules is a short-sighted resolution to a problem.

I have to wonder if McConnell will heed his own warning and see that it’s only a matter of time before Republicans no longer have the majority/upper hand.

Side note: How ironic is it that Republicans did all they could to obstruct Obama and are now crying that Democrats are obstructing Trump?

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” -George Santayana


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Why we marched

Today, as a family, and with so many others here and across the world we marched.

  • Not because our candidate didn’t win
  • Not because we’re special snowflakes
  • Not because of our liberal tears
  • Not because we are “libtards”
  • Not because we hate “the other side”
  • Not because we think it will change who the President is
  • Not because we can’t let go

This is about so much more.

  • We marched because a 6-year-old boy asked what we could do
  • We marched because he didn’t like the things he saw about Donald Trump
  • We marched because it’s not okay to force yourself on a woman
  • We marched because it’s not okay to “grab them by the pussy”
  • We marched because that’s not “locker room talk”
  • We marched because that’s sexual assault
  • We marched because people should not be scared
  • We marched because even the suggestion of a “Muslim registry” should be abhorrent to any thinking person.
  • We marched because a campaign based on lies and hate won
  • We marched because xenophobia has no place in the country we have been lucky to live in
  • We marched because in 2017 lgbtqia individuals should not worry about their safety
  • We marched because we find bathroom bills offensive and unnecessary
  • We marched because healthcare should be a right and not a privilege
  • We marched because there is no better plan once ACA is repealed
  • We marched because bodily autonomy isn’t a liberal slogan
  • We marched because a President should not call his opponents his “enemies”
  • We marched because facts are real -not what you create and claim are facts
  • We marched because civil discourse is in the fabric of our democracy
  • We marched because we have the protected right to peaceful assembly
  • We marched because we have a legislature that refused to do their jobs to spite a President they didn’t like.
  • We marched because we need to send a message that we’re not going to take it anymore
  • We marched because we have compassion for others
  • We marched because every single person should have the same guaranteed rights
  • We marched because we recognize our privilege
  • We marched because black lives do matter
  • We marched because our biggest job as parents is to ensure that our children are loving and compassionate people
  • We marched because our kids need to see the bigger picture
  • We marched because we refuse to normalize this kind of behavior
  • We marched because we refuse to accept that this is the kind of world our kids could grow up in
  • We marched because we do not want our kids to ever feel helpless
  • We marched because we wanted to empower our kids
  • We marched because others don’t have a voice and we should lend ours
  • We marched because that’s how you get things done and enact change

We marched despite the insults and condescension we will face. It’s the right thing to do.



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Find me a better word than deplorable

No, I’m not ranting about the President-Elect or his supporters, but “deplorable” is the most apt word I can think of for the behavior of Greg Abbott and his hateful little band of assholes.

It shouldn’t need to be pointed out, but I will anyway. Planned Parenthood does not and cannot use federal funds for abortion services. Taxpayer dollars do not go towards abortions. *Please stop pointing out the exception of when the mother’S life is at risk. Not only is this a small percentage, bu it makes you look like a jerk.

Those videos opponents love to point at? They have been proven to be edited to serve the purposes of the creators. 

Oh, one more thing before I start, abortion is not only legal, but will happen. *If* you actually care about the sanctity of life, shouldn’t that include the women too? Or do they not matter? 

For a thorough look into PP, NPR has a great piece and FactCheck has another. Or, you know, a number of other sites that you can find through your own search.

Abbott’s personal crusade against Planned Parenthood is completely out of control. He uses his position to punish the organization, and thus the women (and men) who utilize their services. People who in the majority of cases, would not be able to afford them otherwise.

Abbott, et al. have given notice to PP that it will be defunded. This is ridiculous and likely at odds with federal law, as it has been ruled in other states, but they will not recognize that what they’re doing is wrong.

This will be fought in court and I have zero doubt that the state will lose, but how absolutely despicable is this? Not only does it add stress to the lives of a large number of women, but it puts a financial burden on both Planned Parenthood and the state. How does a costly legal battle help anyone? I know it’s part of a broader platform to chip away at PP, but it disgusts me -as it should any compassionate thinking person.

Speak with your voice and your vote. Get these deplorable people out of positions of power.

I do have to thank Abbott for one thing. He’s reaffirmed my commitment to support PP. I think my donation this year will be a significant increase.

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How dare they. Shame on the Texas Legislature. Again.

The Texas Legislature has done a number of despicable things under the direction of Greg Abbott, but this is their current atrocity.

I’d like to give a little background on myself: I miscarried a planned pregnancy in December, 2008. Before losing the pregnancy I spent 10.5 weeks throwing up around the clock. I spent 10.5 weeks in misery, even pulling a muscle while violently vomiting uncontrollably. I had a terrible hospital stay and wound up poking myself multiple times a day to try and control the hyperemesis gravidarum. It didn’t work. I lost weight. My throat was raw. I had a perpetual headache. I couldn’t keep down food or even water. I felt it would be worth it in the end because in another 30 weeks or so I would have my baby.

While in the hospital at 7 weeks, 4 days for dehydration and all that comes with HG,  I saw the heartbeat. I was happy and hopeful. Having a high-risk pregnancy due to the HG and epilepsy meant at 10.5 weeks I had another ultrasound. I was looking forward to seeing how much bigger this little creature I was becoming to attached to was. This time my doctor looked concerned. She kept checking the measurements. I didn’t see a heartbeat this time. She pulled my records from my last ultrasound to check the measurements from the previous ultrasound.

I knew before she said anything. She broke the news to me as gently as the could. There was no change in size. The fetus had not developed since my last ultrasound. The heart had stopped beating. The pregnancy was not viable. My husband was there with me. Our hearts were both broken.

I was so confused. Why was I still so sick? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault?

It was clear that I was not going to miscarry naturally. A D&C was scheduled for my doctor’s next surgery day, which was two days later. I spent that time researching everything I could about miscarriages. The psychological trauma of a difficult pregnancy followed by the trauma of losing a much wanted pregnancy was more than I can get into now. It still haunts me despite having two successful (though difficult) pregnancies and loving my two boys more than I thought possible.

At the surgery center I had to fill out paperwork. On the paper was information about the procedure.

Reason for the D&C: missed miscarriage

Procedure: abortion

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I turned to the Internet and a group of pregnant women who were due at the same time I would have been. Most were supportive, but one woman sent me a message telling me that if I had just turned to prayer things would have been different and I could have “saved the baby.” I was horrified at first, then I was confused about why she would have said that to me. Plus, wouldn’t that be resurrection?

Like that horrible woman, Greg Abbott and his cronies in the Texas Legislature are trying to punish women. They want to prolong their agony. They want to make a terrible situation much worse.

How can we stand for this? How do we let them get away with this? What can we do?

Vote. Vote these jerks out of office. I don’t have the names of the scum who are in favor of this, but I most certainly will as soon as my tears have dried and I can think straight again.

Pro-choice and Pro-life Texans need to make it clear that requiring the burial or cremation of fetuses is not acceptable. We need to send a message that we will not tolerate extending the misery of anyone who has a pregnancy ended either by choice or by miscarriage. Common decency says you should not rub salt into someone’s wound. How is it that they have forgotten the Golden Rule, or do they just think it doesn’t apply to them?

Posted in I've got OPINIONS, It ain't easy being queasy, miscarriage, politics, Random stream of consciousness, WTF were you thinking? | 1 Comment

On loss

I feel like this is possibly a topic I shouldn’t write about, but I need to get this out and this is the best way to somewhat organize my thoughts.

It has been almost a month since my friend, Jessica, died by suicide. I was in Oslo when I got the news and stayed up most of the night unable to wrap my head around it. Even after attending her funeral and going to her gravesite today it’s still hard to believe.

I received a text from her the night before that just said “I’m sorry.” I replied with “For what?” and got no reply, though it wasn’t uncommon with Jessica to not receive a reply until the next day. I honestly thought she had meant to send it to someone else. Never did it cross my mind that it was her way of saying goodbye.

Jessica was such a caring person but she never seemed to see her own self worth. She had so many trials in her life, but still cared so much for others. The children she taught adored her. She was Ari’s first teacher and he thought she was incredible. Even when he was no longer in her class he made a point to stop by and talk to her every day.

I found out that she had MS about halfway through his semester with her. Jessica was terrified about the possible progression of her MS. She was worried that she would end up alone. She was worried that she would’t be able to take care of herself. Her chronic pain made life difficult for her.

Last school year I got a call from her. She was sobbing and her speech was slurred. She was having a flare up and was in the hospital. She needed me to fill in for her for a day until she could get a real substitute teacher in her class. Even with everything going on she took the time to tell me about the students in her class. She wanted to make sure they were taken care of and wouldn’t lack anything with her out of the class.

Jessica told me that she suffered depression, but being busy made her feel better. She wasn’t one to say no to anything. She was involved in the Jewish community and simply by the sheer number of people at her funeral you can tell she was loved by so many.

My last conversation was about someone who hurt her by telling her that someone else had said she would be dependent for care in 10 years. This person was urged to sever contact with Jessica. She was so disheartened by this. She felt like this was confirming her worst fear. I told her not to listen to them and that anyone who didn’t see how great she was wasn’t worth her time. We’d made plans to get together once I got back from Europe, but obviously that didn’t happen.

I’m sure that her depression worsened after a painful break up, but I won’t put the blame totally  on that. The suicide rate with MS patients is almost double that of the general population. I was told recently that the suicide rate of MS patients on the medication she took to control her symptoms is almost triple that of the general population.

I hate that she was so depressed and so desperate that she saw this as her only option. I hate it when I think of something I want to tell her and can’t call or text her about it. I’m devastated that I’ll never see her again. It’s hard even walking down the hall at the school past her office. I spent so much time in there talking to her that it seems surreal that I’ll never do that again.

It is my sincere hope that a cure is found for MS. I’m doing the MS Walk here in Houston to honor Jessica. I know it’s not much, but I had to do something for her. I also hope that the pain of losing Jessica speaks to people and encourages them to get help fighting depression.


Sunrise over Oslo

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Witch hunt of the moment

This article is from 2012, but it’s very relevant considering recent events.

At times it’s really hard trying to raise a child to be responsible/independent while fostering and embracing their curiosity and keeping them from hurting themselves. Their impulses control them and they really have no sense of self preservation.

They think nothing of running into the street after a ball or taking off of something catches their interest. They’re learning but don’t completely understand consequences. You can tell them not to do something (as I’ve read this mom did) but it doesn’t mean they’re going to listen.

Parenting is often described as trial by fire and I cannot think of a more appropriate description. It’s terrifying when your child gets away from you, but inevitable unless you tether them to you, which teaches them nothing about what is appropriate behavior. (No, I’m not saying children will end up in zoo exhibits.)

I’m hoping that the condemnation of this mom lessens soon. No doubt this will fade and the interwebz will be dominated by something else that brings outrage and pitchforks out in no time.


Posted in I've got OPINIONS, Random stream of consciousness | Leave a comment

Difficult pregnancies and becoming a mother or: How I became more pro-choice

To say that I have difficult pregnancies is a gross understatement. I’ve been pregnant three times, twice with planned pregnancies, and once a total surprise. Through all three pregnancies I suffered a debilitating condition called hyperemesis gravidarum (HG).

Some people dismiss this as “morning sickness” or “all day sickness” and some women have mild cases and can remain fully functional through their pregnancies. I was not that lucky.

My first pregnancy, as most people reading this know, resulted in a missed miscarriage diagnosed at just over 10 weeks. The fetus stopped developing at a little over 7 weeks, just after I was hospitalized for malnutrition and dehydration. It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had happen to me.

My second pregnancy, which had a much happier outcome, was just as hard. After 14 months of trying to get pregnant I was absolutely thrilled to see two lines on the test, but worried that I would go through the same trauma as before.

My second pregnancy can only be described as disastrous  I literally would go days without being able to eat or keep down food (or even water) when I attempted to eat or drink. I was constantly worried about the potential damage being done to Avi both from the HG and the medications I had to take just to be somewhat functional. I would spend most of my days in bed or curled up by the toilet with my dogs worriedly hovering nearby.

But, I consider myself lucky. Not only did I have semi-descent insurance, which covered my Zofran, but I did not have to work. It was very apparent from day 1 that working would not be possible. I attempted to, but spent most of my shift hiding around the corner or in the bathroom throwing up.

I bled throughout my entire pregnancy. Not brown old blood, but both spotting and somewhat heavier bleeding of red, or new blood. I pulled muscles from violently throwing up and both my OB and my perinatologist/high-risk OB agreed that I needed to be induced both for my physical and mental wellbeing.

I came home from the hospital 33 lbs lighter than when I started my pregnancy. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

I’m hesitant to put this next part in writing because I don’t want Ari to possibly read this when he is older and ever feel unloved or unwanted, but it’s important for understanding why I strongly support a woman’s right to choose.

Misha and I decided that it wasn’t worth risking HG again to have any more children. We were happy to have Avi and felt fortunate that he was healthy. I’d planned on getting an IUD as soon as I was done breastfeeding. That never happened.

When Avi was roughly 8 months old I started feeling sick. I spent 3 days randomly throwing up and decided to do a pregnancy test just for my own peace of mind. I was on birth control and breastfeeding, so it was unlikely that I would get pregnant, but due to a ruptured ovarian cyst I did. I was in disbelief.

I didn’t experience the joy of seeing two lines this time, instead I felt dread, which I still feel guilty about today. How on earth could I take care of Avi if I had HG again? Could I even handle going through it again? It was so early in the pregnancy and I already felt so sick. I didn’t know what to do.

I cried when I told Misha that I was pregnant. I cried when I told my mom. I cried when I told my friend, who had just had a baby herself, I cried when I was in the doctor’s office waiting to speak with my OB. I was so torn. And scared. What would this mean for Avi, the baby I had wanted so much, who was still a baby? What would this mean for me when I could barely handle my last two pregnancies?

Again, I consider myself lucky. I decided that despite not having family near me to help I had the resources to have another baby. I chose to have another baby. The hyperemesis came back, but it was slightly better than before. An additional medicine seemed to help, but it still wasn’t easy by any means.

Avi & I spent a lot of time in his room. Me sitting in a chair with a wastebasket nearby while he played. We also spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Him playing with toys and me with my head in the toilet. Luckily, Misha was able to work from home sometimes when I couldn’t pick myself up off the floor.

I knew if things got worse I could afford hire a nanny to help with Avi, but I felt so guilty. I felt like he was missing out on things like playing outside and trips to the zoo because I just couldn’t do it.

I had the same worries as before and many of the same complications. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I weren’t so lucky. If we didn’t have the money that allows me to stay home. If I had to work. If I didn’t have the insurance plan I have. As it is, I spent thousands on my pregnancies. Between the dozens of ultrasounds, the frequent doctor visits, the medications (which in the last two months of my pregnancy with Ari weren’t covered for the full dose I required,) and the delivery it was literally thousands.

I love my kids with all my heart and I don’t regret having either of them, but not everyone is as lucky as I am and they should be given the choice to continue or not continue their pregnancy. They shouldn’t be shamed or have it be made unnecessarily complicated to have an abortion.

The Texas House of Representatives claims that HB2 will make women safer. They claim that most clinics will stay open. They claim that they are doing this for women, yet they were not open to a single amendment that would actually do that. Sadly, I expect that the Senate will do the same.

Rep Jodie Laubenberg is a disgrace to the position she holds. She mindlessly tabled every amendment with the support of the majority of the Representatives. This. Does. Not. Help. Women. Despite what the vile David Dewhurst wants (please look at the link to see his tweet and the map,) this will not stop abortion in Texas. Abortions are going to happen. It’s just a matter of when and how safe the women who chose to have one are. (If you say the women get what is coming to them when there are complications with abortion you can just bugger off right now.)

If a single clinic closes that’s one too many. As of now I believe a woman in Texas has access to 42 clinics around the state, but it still takes 4 days for her to have an abortion. She first must have the mandated ultrasound (I cannot find the report, but I read that abortions are only down 5% since that was passed) then wait 24 hours before taking her first dose of misoprostol, which will start the process. (I had to take this after the d&c I had for my miscarriage and it was a terrible experience.) She then comes back 48 hours later for her second dose. That means this is a 4 day process. Under these regulations even these medical abortions (as opposed to surgical abortions) must take place in an ambulatory surgical center.

Let’s say there is a woman living in west Texas, who has to travel hundreds of miles for an abortion. Do we really think she’s going to be able to not only afford the increased price (estimated at $1200) but afford to take time off from work? This is going to cause abortions later in pregnancies, or possibly mothers in need of government assistance once the babies are born. If you were wondering, the House shot down any increases in assistance as well. Oh, and don’t get me started on tabling an amendment about sex education.

I’m not naïve. I do not expect that my story (or any of the others heard during the sessions) will make people change their position. I don’t expect anyone reading this to suddenly become pro-choice. I do however, hope that people will realize that they shouldn’t judge others for their choices.

Please understand that not everyone had the same opportunities you do. Not everyone has the same beliefs you do. And I cannot imagine anyone making this decision lightly or why anyone would try to take this choice away from them.

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boy1 & Boy2, It ain't easy being queasy, It's a puke story, baby just say blech, mom jeans | 2 Comments

4 years later

It’s been 4 years since my miscarriage. I never know which date to track it by. Is it the 8th when we found out the pregnancy was no longer viable? Or is it the 10th when I had the d&c, which physically ended it? Does it matter? Not really. Though I think having a definitive date makes it a little easier for some reason.

It’s not as hard as it was even a year after it happened. We have two kids now, and at that time I was beginning to wonder if we would have any. I don’t think about it everyday, or even every week now. It just randomly pops into my mind.

I do wonder sometimes what that kid would have been like. Would he/she have been as funny or high maintenance as Avi? Or as calm and laid back as Ari? Maybe somewhere in the middle? Avi and Ari look so different. Would he/she have looked like more like Avi or Ari? Would we have Avi? Quite possibly no, and we definitely wouldn’t have Ari.

At the time people kept saying a number of things to make me feel better including “everything happens for a reason.” I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I don’t think I miscarried because I was supposed to have Avi & Ari or so, I don’t know… I would value them more or something. I think it was just a shitty thing that you sometimes have to live through before things get better.

I feel lucky to have made it through with my marriage even stronger than it was & I feel extremely lucky to have the two kids we do have. It’s exhausting at times, but they’re pretty amazing.


Posted in Boy1 & Boy2, miscarriage | 2 Comments

impatient little thing

Boy2 is determined to make his debut early. At my OB visit yesterday I was 4cm dilated & Dr. F said she anticipates hearing from me Sunday night when she’s on call. I have an appointment Thursday, but she said she’d be surprised if I go that long.

I’m vacillating between excitement about meeting him (and the nausea ending) and pure terror. We’re not at all ready. The house is a construction site at the moment and will be for probably the next couple of weeks. Our awesome contractor is working his butt off trying to get things done as quickly as possible. I seriously cannot say enough good things about him.

The nursery furniture is not assembled & Carter’s is taking their sweet time getting the missing hardware kit to me, but at least Boy2’s room is ready otherwise. He’ll be in the co-sleeper in our room for a while anyway, so that’s not urgent.

I’d like him to stay put until at least the end of next week so he has more time to develop. From what Dr. F said yesterday, Dr. H (our perinatologist/high risk OB) seems to think he’s ready and would transition well, but I don’t hit 37 weeks until Tuesday.

I think both doctors are worried about my mental stress after the strain of vomiting constantly & losing weight while taking care of the bossiest toddler in the world. I was having a bad day when I last saw Dr. H & was in a lot of pain, but things have been much better since Misha got home from San Francisco.

I’m worried about Avi freaking out when we disappear to the hospital. He’s only ever stayed with my mom and she won’t be here in time. There’s no point in changing her flight because we don’t know for sure that he’s coming. The dilation & increase in contractions points to him being here soon, but there is always a chance that I’ll stall at 4cm for a while.

Jaeden has school & of course mom has to work. It would be really difficult for her to change her schedule on such short notice. Plus, we don’t want her here too early where she leaves before he arrives & if I’m in labor before she comes she won’t make it in time anyway. Dr. F isn’t expecting me to be in labor for more than 4 hours. I’m knocking on every piece of wood that I can find that she’s correct!

Some great friends are going to help us with Avi if his brother does indeed arrive before the 23rd. I figure Misha can come home a few hours after Boy2 is born since if he’s anything like his brother all he’ll be doing is sleeping & nursing. Of course Avi slept all afternoon & the next day, but didn’t sleep more than an hour that first night. There’s not much Misha can do with a newborn since the nursing part is up to me. I’d rather he be here with Avi & hopefully he won’t have as hard of a time adjusting. (He being Avi, not Misha!)

We’re closer to a name finally though! Misha has decided he likes Elan as the first name, but is rejecting all suggestions for a middle name. As of last night it looks likely that he’ll be Elan Ari. I’m not sure that I’m thrilled with the flow, but I like that we’re using both of our top names.

That’s where we’re at right now. Please cross your fingers, knock on wood or whatever it is you do for luck that Boy2 listens to his mommy and stays where he is a little while longer. We’re fortunate that he didn’t decide to come a few weeks ago, but not quite ready for him just yet!

Carrying little brother's elephant around his room.

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boy1 & Boy2 | 4 Comments