2008 so far:
- January 2-14, Hushbear and I went in Sydney
- February 8-10 we went to NOLA with friends
- Mid-March found out I won’t graduate until May 09
- March 22 -5 year wedding anniversary
- April 23 – turn 29
- May -went to Michigan to visit family
- June – August summer school hell
- Early August -switch to the generic Lamictal & have seizures
- August 14-25 -trip to Europe (Amsterdam, Brussels, & Paris)
- August 26 -Fall semester begins
- September 27 -PICGirl becomes Mrs. PICGirl.
- October 28th -first positive pregnancy test
- October 28-31 bouncing off the walls so excited -tell almost anyone who will listen
- November 11 -first ultrasound, we can see sack but no baby
- November 15 -Val & Jason get married
- November 21 -in the hospital for hyperemesis, second ultrasound -I see baby & heartbeat
- November 22 -outfitted with a Zofran pump & given an IV at home
- November 29 Brie & Jason get married
- December 8 routine ultrasound at OB visit shows no heartbeat or fetal development
- December 10 D&C scheduled
I am crushed. Rationally, I know that there’s nothing I could have done, but I can help thinking what if.
What if I had lost more weight, and kept off that which I had lost already?
What if I had gone in sooner instead of waiting thinking the nausea & vomiting would get better?
What if I had bonded with the baby? I was excited about the baby, but not the pregnancy.
What if I ate better in the beginning?
What if I had exercised like they say you should in the baby books?
What if I had slept more and stressed out over school less?
What if I didn’t take my Lamictal?
What if I didn’t take the Zofran?
What if I didn’t eat enough protein?
What if I hadn’t spent the entire pregnancy complaining about how miserable I was?