I love it when we get the “party pack”

Vicodin ES #240
Soma 350 #120
Xanax 2mg #120
Amoxicillin 500mg #21
(or some variation of quantities like that)

We were lucky up until now, we are not visible and once in the store you have to actively seek us out. We are along a wall and most people don’t even acknowledge that we are there.

That has changed. Some new quack opened up and we seem to be getting a large share of Dr. Quack’s clientèle.

When these are your opening lines to me, you are SOL with me:
“I need to see if you have these in stock.”
“Do you have the ‘DAN brand’ Soma?”
“Can you make sure the Xanaxes is the bars ones?” (verbatim)
“I’m in a lot of pain, will this take long?”
“I don’t need the Amoxil.”

My responses:
“Oh, so sorry, we are completely out of stock on all of these.”
“No, I don’t think I can order them.”
“Oh look there, (looking at blank screen while energetically clicking the mouse) Nope, can’t order them, they are on manufacturer backorder.”
“Nope, no idea if/when they will ever be in stock again.”
“Hey, at least I can fill that antibiotic for you!”
“No, I’m not sure where you can get them.”
“Yeah, it is strange that every pharmacy you have gone to is out.”

Today a guy came in freaking out. The 2mg Xanax that W~Mart gave him doesn’t work. He is supposed to take 1 tablet QID and has to take 2 at a time for them to even work.

He asks my RPh (henceforth known as RPhGuy)to show him a picture of what we have. The ones he got from W~Mart are oval and he needs the “bar ones.” The “bar ones” are the only ones that work for him. On and on and on. I interrupt and tell him we cannot give out pictures of our drugs, that’s not even possible. This gives RPhGuy time to get away from the counter.

RPhGuy does his song and dance about how we don’t have the 2mg, it’s on national backorder, we may never ever have it again and he should go somewhere else. I suggest that he leave and go closer to the hospitals.

Seriously people, you make it way too easy for us to tell you to piss off. Drugs “not working” referring to Xanax 2mg as “bars.” Give me a break, a first year intern could see you coming from a mile away.