My so Charmed Life

I am a planner. I plan everything down to the smallest details. I have no idea what to do with a puppy and I feel completely lost. I have realized that I have no idea what a puppy needs.

We got her an exercise pen to put in the living room (tile floor). I read that at 2 months old the puppy can hold her bladder for up to 3 hours. I’m gone about 6 hours on Tuesday/Thursday. Chances are she would be fine in her crate, but I don’t really want to test that.

My plan is to set up her bed and toys in one end of the crate and a pee pad in the other end. I think we will probably use it at least until May and I’ll be out of class then. I think if we won’t be gone for a long time (like going to dinner) we will have her in her crate, but if we need to leave for an extended amount of time (like to class) the pen is just easier on all of us.

Today we bought puppy shampoo, puppy wipes, a Kong puppy toy, a little bitty hedgehog toy, pee pads, a water bowl, a food bowl, and a small collar. I was going to get her food tonight, but the puppy lady is sending a small bag & I wanted to make sure that I get the right one. There were two varieties of puppy food in that brand. Oh, and we got Baby a floppy octopus toy. I wanted her to have something new to focus on instead of killing the puppy.

We still don’t have a name. Hushbear has decided to rule out Zoe in all forms. I’m keeping it in because I think it’s cute. He’s tossed out Mia because he said the name makes him think of scary skinny ladies (or something like that). I vetoed Nola on the grounds that it’s ugly. He came up with Lily last night, but changed his mind today. I think we are left with Sydney, Lucy, Olive (Liv/Ollie), Kennedy, and Zoe. Any other suggestions? Please leave them in the comments.

I don’t even want to think about what it will like be naming our children.

So we’re getting a puppy on Saturday. The puppy lady had a family change their minds and has a little girl from her last litter. We had the option of waiting for the next litter and getting one with a tail or saying screw it and getting one now without a tail. Obviously we’ve decided on the Saturday puppy option.

She’s so cute! Her little mouth is open and she looks sassy. She’s already turning white on her mouth and between her eyes. We’ve decided to name her after we get her. We want to see what she’s like before we decide on a name.

I got an email from the puppy lady tonight it wasn’t the picture update I was expecting.

“I have terrible news. Your little one got laid on by the mother. I have only had this happen one other time. I am just sick.”

I’m adding this to the list of shit that has gone wrong in the past few months.

What is your salad dressing of choice? At the moment, ranch

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Hmmm…. Hugo’s I guess

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? I’ve been known to eat ghetto nachos for days on end, so it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say two weeks

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Cheese, olives, mushrooms

TECHNOLOGY*
How many televisions are in your house? 2

What color cell phone do you have? Black

BIOLOGY*
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right-handed

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yes, unfortunately just this past December

What is the last heavy item you lifted? My laptop bag; it feels like it weighs 50lbs some days

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? I don’t think so

BULLCRAPOLOGY*
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Yes, I am a planner

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I used to hate my name, but I’m ok with it now

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? How many handbags could I buy with that? Um…yeah!

DUMBOLOGY*
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Let me think…at least 6

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? The last I can remember was when I got pulled over for speeding but got out of the ticket…2 years ago maybe?

Last person you talked to? Hushbear

Last person you hugged? Hushbear

FAVORITOLOGY*
Season? (Ha!) Spring

Holiday? Hmmm… Thanksgiving after the in-laws go home

Day of the week? Friday

Month? March or April

CURRENTOLOGY*
Missing someone? Isabell

Mood? pleasantly numb

What are you listening to? the fan on my computer I guess?
Watching? Computer screen

Worrying about? Graduation

RANDOMOLOGY*
First place you went this morning? Living room to let the girls outside

What’s the last movie you saw? Rachel Getting Married ( I was disappointed, it wasn’t nearly a good as I had hoped)

-OLOGY*
Do you always answer your phone? Usually, unless I’m in class or leave it in another room with the ringer off

Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? Probably Hushbear, but only when he’s in another country

If you could change your eye color what would it be? I like my eyes, perhaps a little more green

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Cherry

Do you own a digital camera? I did before Hushbear took it

Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes

What’s on your wish list for your birthday? Flip video recorder

Can you do push ups? No clue

Can you do a chin up? Not a chance

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Both

Do you have any saved texts? Lots of them

Ever been in a car wreck? Yes, more than I would like to admit

Do you have an accent? Only with certain words (taco is one of them). I was once told that my snow suit was showing (northern accent), which is strange because I’ve lived in Texas since I was almost 4

Plans tonight? I went with Hushbear to Rainbow Lodge to watch Iron Chef with Randy

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes

Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Sushi, pedicure, this book

Have you ever been given roses? Yes but I don’t like red ones

Current Hate? The majority of the advisers at UH

Met someone who changed your life? Hushbear

How did you bring in the new year? Drunk with friends at J & B’s house

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes, I would make sure that fracking Organic Chemistry class was actually dropped

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? yes

Does anyone love you? Baby is looking at me right now like I am her entire world

Would you be a pirate? Argh, probably not

What songs do you sing in the shower? I haven’t done that in years

Ever had someone sing to you? Yes, more than once and it is very uncomfortable

When did you last cry? Last week

Do you like to cuddle? Occasionally

Have you held hands with anyone today? Yes

Who was the last person you took a picture of? Maggie, but I guess since she’s not a person… Oh, I know, the bad little boy in Pico’s who was throwing a temper tantrum

What kind of music did you listen to in high school? Um… alternative I guess? and a lot of classic rock and rap

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? I’ve known most of them for around 10 years, then some of them are much newer, so both I guess

Do you like pulpy orange juice? Yes, I like to chew my juice

What is something your friends make fun of you for? being a nerd

What are you saving your money up for right now? Ha, I have no money to save!

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? A month ago, it was the easiest thing to take with me to class

What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? I don’t want a funeral

What were you doing 12 AM last night? looking at dlisted

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Damn, why am I going to brunch today?

• It’s been 3 months today since the D&C
• I’m glad I didn’t have to miscarry at home

• It’s been 7 weeks today since we lost Isabell
• I’m glad that she went quickly and didn’t have to suffer

• I might be out of options on the Organic Chem F
• I’m glad that I learned my lesson and know the proper way to drop classes now

• I have an exam tomorrow and can’t keep the names, dates, and main points straight
• I’m glad that the majority of the names are not French

Tomorrow I plan on doing a shiny happy post. Or maybe I’ll just bitch some more.

I wasn’t prepared for a miscarriage. I wasn’t one of those women who think of everything that could go wrong. I was pregnant and happy and figured that the hyperemesis was the worst of it. (I mean how much worse could it be? Being admitted to the hospital because I was throwing up 20+ times a day and not even keeping water down. Surely nothing else could go wrong.) When the doctor told me that the pregnancy was no longer viable I had no idea that that was only the beginning. I knew what to do right away. Before I even cried I knew that I wanted to have the D&C and be finished. I knew that long after the physical pain disappears I would be left with emotional scars.

I guess I didn’t know it would sneak up on me and be so painful at times. It was 3 months ago today (Sunday 03/08/09) that I found out it was over. On Tuesday it will be 3 months since the D&C. I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. I can think about getting pregnant again and feel hopeful and excited. I’m able to look forward to the future.

The past week or so has been hard though. I wonder how long it will be before the 8th and 10th of every month become just another day and not X amount of time since the end of my pregnancy. When will I see July on a calendar and not think that I should have been bringing home a baby that month?

I’m trying to keep my self together. To be quite honest, I don’t really have time for it now. I need to continue to do well this semester. Sometimes it’s just too hard. For the most part I’m fine. I really am at peace with it. It just wasn’t meant to be, we’ll try again. I have an amazing husband and (even though things have been crappy over the past 3 months) a great life.

I fell asleep studying and had the strangest freaking dream.

Misha and I had a baby but I could not remember her name. I was walking around calling her “it” and freaking because I couldn’t remember her name. Then I remembered that I had done a poll on the blog to name the baby. Her name was Mia.

The baby was like 3 months old and I had not changed her diaper yet. Hushbear had done all of the changing. He told me it was time that I learn how to do it. For some reason we were living with my mom and I decided to wait until she got home from work. She refused and said that she had wiped enough shit and I needed to do it.

I took the diaper off and suddenly the baby was a little yellow kitten. It didn’t phase me in the dream, but I decided that as our daughter was a cat she really didn’t need diapers and refused to put one on her.

I would love to see what Freud would have to say about this.

Grades
The good:
I got an A- in Dr. S’s class. Yes, he’s right I could have done better, but it’s been several months since I took the class.

The bad:
I appears he wants me to get a drinking problem.

The suck:
I probably could have gotten an A in the class if I had taken it the exam earlier even with the nausea.

Graduation
The good:
It looks like I will still be graduating with honors

The bad:
The last 66 hours includes the last semester I went to school before going back. I got a C in Biology & thought I had dropped an Organic Chemistry class. I turns out I was never dropped and even though I never took an exam I have a fail on my record from that.
They will not remove that from my record because they say I could be lying about it. They said if I had come to them within 2 years of the class they would have looked into it. I was out of school for 5 years and didn’t know about it until then.

The suck:
So it looks like I’ll graduate Cum Laude instead of Magna Cum Laude. It’s still with honors, just not with high honors.

Bees
The good:
The beehive was removed it was 5 lbs (which the bee guy said is really small) and it only took an hour. He said they’ve probably only been there a week.

The bad:
It turns out they are Africanized bees (killer bees) and they are not happy about the hive being removed.

The suck:
I watched them attack a bird that went up there.

Two things that just suck:

1. I got a Babies “R” Us coupon today for a $10 gift card if I create my registry with them
2. I got a call from my insurance company today asking how my pregnancy was going

I’m going to dinner at 7 and plan on having enough margaritas to forget all about this and other suckage.

Yesterday I noticed that I got an American baby magazine. I didn’t think much of it. Today I got a Target baby registry booklet, a couple of other baby furniture catalogs, some formula coupons, and an email telling my about how my baby will be developing this week. I thought those had stopped!?!?!?!?!?!

WTF? I’ve been doing so well. Even with all of the stress I’ve been under lately. Now I’m sitting here crying and can’t seem to stop. Now I have to pull myself together and go to class. This should be fun.