I haven’t been blogging about baby stuff because there isn’t really a point. We’re still trying, but nothing yet. I pee on sticks for 10 days every cycle. Then I start peeing on sticks at the end of every cycle only to have disappointment. I know it will happen when it happens, but fuck. That is really draining.
Someone I knew at my first high school sent me a message on MySpace. She’s pregnant. I was really happy for her. Then I continued reading…she’s due on July 9th. That means in 3 months she might be giving birth to her little girl on the day I was due to have my baby. Something about that crushed me.
I’m excited for her (honestly, I am) but I can’t help myself. I’m throwing myself a pity party. I want to be pregnant. I want my baby. I don’t want to have had a miscarriage. I want to be complaining that I am huge and can’t fit into anything. I want the excitement and anticipation back. At the very least I just want to be pregnant again. This hurts and it sucks.
Now please pardon me while I go pee on another stick.