I wonder when this will stop. Every Thursday was progress day. Today would have been 11 weeks. At 11 weeks, the baby would have been the size of a fig or a lime. (Yeah, the food comparisons are just too cute.) This is what I found out about development this week:

“Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming — setting up a significantly more attractive future.”

How do I know this? I got an email update from a baby site today congratulating me on 11 weeks. I’ve already unsubscribed from this site. Numerous times. I think I’ll forward a link to my blog with my next unsubscribe message.

My baby stopped developing after week 7. That means he or she made it only made it to blueberry size. That’s so very tiny. I know there is nothing I could do. I know that. But I feel like I wasn’t able to protect something the size of a blueberry while it was inside me.

Again, I know there is nothing I could do. It’s just strange the things that you think about. Fleeting thoughts can just grow and grow of you let them. I know if I don’t let it go it will drive me crazy. It’s just hard. I’m ok for the most part, but it just hits me sometimes.

Once I am pregnant again I know I will have new milestones to look forward to. I will have a new little one to be excited over. New worries & new happiness. I want to look forward to kumquat week, peach week, mango week, and eggplant month. Did you know that they compare the baby to a watermelon during the final month? Yikes!

I keep thinking about “next time”. As in, “next time I am going to relax more”, or “next time I am going to eat better”. “Next time I am not going to complain as much.” Next time…

About SP

Recovering pharmacy technician, History BA, wife to a workaholic, mommy to one pup and two boys, epileptic, vegetarian. I've got a mouth like a sailor & find myself becoming more cynical & more liberal all the time.
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