I didn’t want to take you. I took the prescription from Dr. F to use if I have to, but I didn’t intend on taking you. I’m worried about taking anything else since I’m already taking the Lamictal.

That changed today and now I am sitting here waiting to feel better. I did what I was told to do. When I woke up I ate a couple of crackers. I waited, when I kept that down I took my Lamictal with a sip of water. I threw that up within seconds.

I waited a little while longer and tried the Lamictal again. This time I didn’t throw up so I got in the shower after 5 minutes. Then I threw up. I got in the car to go to school and I threw up when I got outside of my neighborhood. The guy in the car next to me had the funniest look on his face when he watched me throw up into the barf bag. I just smiled and held up the bag.

I gave up and came home where I proceeded to throw up another 6 times. I called my mom and puked twice while on the phone with her. I got off the phone and gave in. I decided to take you, Zofran. I put your flat little orally disintegrating tablet on my tongue and bam. Thew up again. Well, at least I tried to. There’s nothing left to come out.

Zofran, why do you taste so nasty? Fruit? Really? Who decided on that? I’m sure it’s so kids on chemo can take it, but something other than fruit would have been better. Oh but not bubblegum. Please not bubblegum.

So here I sit Zofran, almost an hour later. Still nauseous, but not throwing up. Is this all I can expect of you? I wanted to feel like I did before I got pregnant. I was hoping I would make it to my last class of the day. But no, you’re not that good.

I’m not completely giving up on you yet though. I still hold out hope that you are my magic solution. That you will make me feel human again. But for now, I will keep my bucket near.