and then there was one…

Posted on January 31, 2012 by

It’s done. Baby is gone. It was heartbreaking, but I’m glad it’s over for her. I love my vet office; they made a bad situation as nice as they could. All of the techs came in to say goodbye to her, which meant a lot to me.

Just like with Isabell, I don’t want to get into the details of her death. I want to remember what an amazing dog she was. I’ll remember how patient she was with Avi and his sometimes overzealous displays of affection. I’ll remember her doggie smile and how much she loved car rides. I’ll remember how she loved everyone she met and accepted every new person as her best friend.

We had a long time with her and I think we gave her the best life we possibly could. I sincerely hope that she felt as much love from us as we did from her and that we made her happy.

This is an old post I wrote about Baby and Maggie, who we had to put to sleep last fall.

Happy on her last car ride

Posted in my girls | 2 Comments

tomorrow is too soon

Posted on January 30, 2012 by

We’ve decided to have Baby euthanized tomorrow. The Cushing’s Disease is getting worse & worse all the time. We’ve tried 4 different doses of medication, but nothing is helping. Her vet thinks she might have dementia too. She’s really confused and we have trouble even getting her to eat once a day.

This is made so much harder since we had Maggie euthanized in the fall, but watching her decline is worse. It’s the right thing to do, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I’m going to miss her so much.

Baby, Isabell & Maggie -December, 2008

Baby being silly.

Baby & Zoë

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I’m so screwed

Posted on January 20, 2012 by

35 weeks pregnant with Avi

and…

29 weeks pregnant with Boy2

Other than a little less ass, there’s not much difference in these pictures. Yeah. I’m so screwed.

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boyshteyn | Leave a comment

My so charmed pregnancies

Posted on January 16, 2012 by

I suck at being pregnant. My body just does not handle pregnancy well at all.

My first pregnancy was a disaster from start to early finish. I had nausea from 2 days after finding out I was pregnant to 3 days after the d&c. I think I lost 13 pounds in the couple of months I was pregnant.

My pregnancy with Avi wasn’t better. I came home from the hospital 33 pounds lighter than I started the pregnancy. I’m so thankful that my OB was willing to induce me 10 days before his due date. I was at the end of my rope.

Now I’m 29 weeks pregnant with Boy2. I lost 5 pounds early on but then hovered before I started gaining some. Friday I was up 8 pounds from my starting weight but I lost two this weekend because I’m having a hard time keeping anything down. I had been stuffing myself in the hopes that when I threw up some food would stay down and apparently that was working, but I just can’t do it anymore.

My throat is raw and I have a constant cough. I don’t know how bulimics do this. My OB expects me to be down around 30 pounds again when I come home from the hospital.

I’ve had more bleeding with this pregnancy than I had with Avi, but haven’t had the scary test results. With Avi the first trimester screening came back with a high likelihood of Down’s syndrome and the second trimester screening came back with an even higher likelihood of spina bifida, which was already a concern because of my seizures and the medication I take to control them. Thankfully, both were wrong, but the stress brought on by that was terrible.

All in all, I hate being pregnant. Avi was worth every miserable moment and I know Boy2 will be as well, but I really wish I could fast forward. Keep your fingers crossed that my delivery goes as well as it did with Avi. I think I’ve earned it.

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boy1 & Boy2, It ain't easy being queasy, It's a puke story, baby just say blech | Leave a comment

It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

Posted on January 4, 2011 by

Well… maybe a little exhausted & covered in spit up, but mostly fine.

November 16 at 2:01 pm our lives were turned upside down (in a good way). The baby formerly known as Boyshteyn was born and we officially became a mom & dad. (It’s so strange being someone’s mom.) My new goal in life is to be a trophy MILF*. The hyperemesis helped quite a bit as I came home from the hospital about 30 lbs lighter than before I got pregnant.

Enough about me (for now) I present the cuteness that is Avi Daniel:

Asleep at the hospital after nursing

Second day home!

Christmas baby

He likes his tiger cuddle

The baby in jeans with his cowboy boot socks! So not impressed with mom.

For more pictures see Months 1 & 2 albums and previous post.

He’s kind of awesome. Even the crying, abusive nursing and projectile spitting up hasn’t changed my opinion of him. (Okay, it’s only changed it a little bit.)

I’ve abandoned the blog for the past few months mostly because I’ve felt like crap. If I had blogged it would have been all about how pregnancy sucks, vomiting continuously sucks, and how miserable I was in general. I just wasn’t one of those women who enjoy being pregnant. I couldn’t wait for November. No, I don’t think we’ll have more kids, stop asking please.

The hyperemesis got somewhat more manageable as in I was mostly sick in the mornings & early afternoons, but felt okay-ish in the evenings. The nausea never went away, but at least it wasn’t as bad in the evenings & I didn’t usually vomit then.

At my 36 week (it was actually 36 weeks, 4 days) appointment with the perinatologist, she decided that since I was still so sick & the baby was healthy and at a good size I could be induced at 38 weeks. I could have kissed the woman & did in fact hug her. I seriously wanted to cry I was so happy. I never wanted to be induced, but the chronic nausea was messing with my head.

Birth story time (feel free to skip this part)

My OB decided that I would go in at night on November 15th to get Cervidil because I was only dilated 1 cm. We went to the Woman’s Hospital around 8:30 that evening & checked in to labor & delivery. I got my Cervidil a little after 9 (that was not fun) and went to sleep soon after. The thought was the Cervidil would work it’s magic over night & I’d be ready to go in the morning at 8 am. Ha! It only got me dilated to 1.5 cm.

At 7 am my day nurse, Liz, (I love her more than words can say) got me up to shower & get ready for the induction. We started the Pitocin at 8:30 and by 9:00 I was having some pretty good contractions. The OB arrived & broke my water a little after 9. She said since I’d had such a shitastic pregnancy she was going to let me get my epidural whenever I wanted.

The contractions were pretty strong & I’ll admit that I wasn’t really handling them well. Liz said the epidural wouldn’t slow down labor because we were using the Pitocin, so I told her I wanted it right away. She said it would take Dr. O’Neil** about 20 minutes to get there, but he was in the room just under 5 minutes later.

Getting the epidural then was the best decision. Like ever. I do not regret it at all. It’s a personal choice, but to me it made the experience so much better. I see no point in suffering through labor and being miserable. I don’t think getting it makes me a bad mom or less of a woman (as some people say). I think my delivery would have been a much less positive experience if I hadn’t gotten it.*** I didn’t feel a single contraction or have any pain at all during delivery or for hours & hours after. Once I did have some pain in recovery it wasn’t terrible & the nurses said I was doing quite well.

I was worried about the pushing part, but other than asthma issues I was fine. During contractions Liz would count to 10 three times in a row and I would push during that time. By the third set of ten my lungs would be burning & I’d be gasping. A couple of Albuterol puffs took care of that though. I wasn’t really paying attention to how long it took. My mom says it was 45 minutes from first push to delivery, but the time passed so quickly. Apparently I’m a very effective pusher or something like that. ****

Avi had a really bad first night & we only got an hour of sleep. Swaddling helped a bit, but by the time we went home we were all exhausted. I am so thankful that my mom was here for the delivery & the coming home bit. I would have had no clue what to do with him. She held him when he screamed, and well, most of the other time too! I was too tired to do much of anything.

It’s been a huge adjustment for our house. The girls are no longer the center of the universe, which is hard on them, but Zoë is madly in love with Avi & I think the feeling is somewhat mutual. He reaches out for her and as long as she doesn’t try to lick him he likes looking at her & will sometimes coo at her.

Avi seems to have lactose sensitivity, which has gotten better since I cut milk & cheese out of my diet. From what I’ve read this is resolved with most babies by 3 months. Hopefully this is the case with Avi, but nothing is ever that easy for me!

He rapidly went bald (he’s rockin’ some serious male pattern baldness) but the hair is coming back in already. We have good days & bad days***** but it’s really neat watching him change & develop into a person.

I think this post is long enough, so I’ll end here with my favorite pregnancy photo:

34 weeks, 4 days - exactly 4 weeks before delivery

*not really, but it sounds good.

** seriously, ask for him if you deliver at The Woman’s Hospital

***I’m not justifying my decision, just gloating. No, I don’t think women who don’t get epidurals are silly or martyrs… Really, honestly, I don’t!

**** No, that’s not enough to make me want to deliver ever again

*****Make that bad weeks in some cases

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boyshteyn, It ain't easy being queasy | 2 Comments

Not to sound like a total mom…

Posted on December 31, 2010 by

but the best part of 2010 was this:

2 days old

Going to the doctor

Pretty much just chillin'

Playtime!

The rest of 2010 can bite me. Bring on 2011!

Posted in Boyshteyn | 4 Comments

*sings* I don’t care if I go crazy

Posted on September 17, 2010 by

Well, maybe I care a little.

Dream last night: I was in Europe when Boyshteyn was born. In Texas. No clue how that works. Hatching? Tara was watching him for us, then traded off with Aviva. I decided to finish my vacation in Europe then go to Michigan to see mom & Jaeden.

While in Michigan I started crying because I hadn’t ever even seen him. I was going to call Tara to see if she could send pictures to me. I told my mom that I wanted to go home to see him but she was pissed that I was cutting my trip short. I seriously think I might be losing it. I still keep dreaming that we set his crib up in the front yard…

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boyshteyn | 2 Comments

Hello there, week 28!

Posted on September 3, 2010 by

Today marks the beginning of the 3rd trimester! We have 12 weeks until Boyshteyn is due!

Crap. We have 12 weeks until Boyshteyn is due. We do not have a pediatrician. We do not have his room painted. We do not have the new floor in his room (nor have we even picked it out). We do not have his crib assembled. Crap. I guess when we get back from Michigan we will have to get started on some of this stuff…

I’ve started having really freaking random dreams. Last night it was that Boyshteyn was born early (like at 5 months) but was fine. In fact, he was talking within a couple of days & came home 3 days after he was born. Biggest problem was when we got home & realized we didn’t have anything ready for him. We quickly assembled all of his furniture & put it in the front yard under the trees. I kept forgetting to change his diapers but Misha & my mom were out there changing them. I then realized that I only have 1 gDiaper and really needed more. For some reason the lack of diapers was stressing me out, not the fact that we were planning on leaving him outside in his crib.

One of the oddest has to be the dream where I actually delivered Boyshteyn & he was black. I was freaking out trying to figure out how to explain it to Misha, but he wasn’t even asking any questions. I kept waiting for him to yell at me, but he kept saying that Boyshteyn looked like his brother when he was born. I wanted to ask him if Jacob was black when he was born too, but decided to leave it alone. I figured maybe he hadn’t noticed. (Dreams don’t have  to be logical.)

What’s new with me? Not much. I’m still nauseous. I threw up today right in front of the entrance to the pedicure place. I almost had a seizure last Saturday, so I’ve increased my Lamictal dose again. Boyshteyn still loves to dance. I think we’ll enter him into a breakdancing contest as soon as we can.

My stomach is freaking huge, but two nice people at the hospital today told me that I’m so small for being 6 months. (They were just being nice, but I’ll take it!) I’m actually going to post a belly picture because I look redonkulous. You’re welcome.

Yes, this is a high-quality iPhone shot. Misha had the camera & I am so not going to bother retaking it. ~28 weeks!~

Posted in Adventures in pregnancy, Boyshteyn | 3 Comments

Cadillac News article

Posted on August 30, 2010 by

The Cadillac News did an article on what happened to Cole. It’s okay, but misses some major points. I posted a comment to clear some things up, but the stupid thing formatted as one long paragraph. Here’s a link to the article & here’s my comment in a more readable format:

I should first mention that I am Brock’s sister, so hopefully I can fill in some of the blanks.

Cole was left in the garage for a little over an hour when my mom went to work. John did know that he was in there, but hit the button to open the door without thinking. He immediately realized his mistake, but the safety features garage doors have to keep kids from being hurt prevented him from closing the door again. He immediately went out trying to get Cole to come back, but Cole was too fast. John and my eight-year-old brother searched for hours that night, but they weren’t able to get Cole back home.

Brock and Darci came back from their vacation that night, and they along with my mom and John spent countless hours everyday searching for Cole. My mom posted signs all over Manton and the calls Brock received allowed them to narrow their search. We had such hope that he would be found and brought home, but unfortunately Officer Dennis Rogers found him first.

One very important point is that Rogers was not truthful with Brock when he called to inform him of Cole’s death. He told Brock that they had done everything they could, but were unable to save Cole. This implies that Cole received medical attention, which is simply not the case. Not to be crass, but no one could consider shooting him in the head after finding him to be doing everything they could. Why was the officer not truthful with Brock?

Rogers told my mom that when he approached Cole, he was extremely weak and got up and wobbled around. He Told her that he didn’t think he could get the loop around Cole’s neck and was worried that Cole would go back into the woods. If Cole “could hardly move” how on earth would he have been able to “dash into the woods”? Obviously, I was not there, but if Cole could hardly move, why did Rogers not even attempt to tranquilize him and take him in for care? It seems to me that a dog who is unable to move very much would be fairly easy to tranquilize. Lt. Denison says in the article that the officer can shoot an animal if it “cannot be tranquilized or captured”, but Rogers did not even attempt to tranquilize Cole, and from his own account, it sounds unlikely that Cole could have gone back into the woods. Doesn’t this mean that he went against department policy?

As the article states, Rogers assumed that a tranquilizer would kill Cole. He *assumed* this, but he has no way of knowing that it would have. Cole had a family who loved him and would have done anything to save him. They weren’t even given the chance to say goodbye to him. Even if tranquilizing him would have had killed him (which we will never know since he was not given medical attention), he would have at least been given the chance to receive care. I won’t speculate on why Rogers chose to shoot him instead of giving Cole a chance, but I feel it is important to stress that Rogers has no sort of veterinary training. Yes, he’s worked in this division for almost 20 years, but that does not qualify him to make life or death decisions with a lost animal. I worked as a pharmacy technician for 14 years, but that does not qualify me to prescribe medicine or counsel people on their health.

Something not really addressed in this article is the fact that Rogers used the tags on Cole’s collar to contact Brock *after* dumping his body in the landfill. Why did he dump Cole’s body first? Why when Brock called to request release of the body for cremation did Rogers simply tell him that it was too late and offer no further explanation? Why did it take a call from my mom to Rogers to find out what actually happened to Cole? Yes, in the end he retrieved his body, but I don’t want to give him too much credit, because he should have been honest from the start. I find it hard to believe that dumping an animal’s body before contacting the owner is part of procedure. He showed blatant disrespect for Cole and no compassion for those who loved him. Simply put, Cole deserved better than the way Rogers treated him.

Lt. Denison stated that “the dog had appeared to have tangled with a porcupine soon after it got loose”, but he has no way of knowing that. He did not even see Cole’s body since Rogers shot Cole, dumped his body in the landfill and retrieved the body all on Sunday. This is irresponsible speculation. None of the calls Brock and Darci received from people who had seen Cole mentioned porcupine quills. Rogers told my mom that he had received a call from someone who had seen a Great Dane with quills in his face three days before he shot Cole. This is the first mention of anyone seeing Cole with quills in his face. Again, none of the calls Brock and Darci received in the 10 days prior to the call Rogers received indicated that. Denison has no way of knowing when Cole came in contact with a porcupine and I am puzzled as to why he would speculate as he did.

He also said Cole was “skin and bones” without ever seeing his body. Unlike Denison, my mom and John did see Cole’s body. Of course he was thin -he had been lost for 13 days. However, they both said that he did not look as bad as Denison says.

Nothing is going to bring Cole back. Nothing can make his family feel better about this situation, but I think that the Wexford County Sheriff’s Office needs to seriously review the animal control division policies. One would hope that the first course of action no matter the situation would be to tranquilize an animal to bring it in for proper care. The animal control officers are not qualified to determine if a pet can or cannot be saved. They simply do not have any type of medical training and should not be given the power to make that kind of decision. I think that all of the officers need to go through retraining and the policy needs to change. Only a licensed veterinarian should be able to make life or death decisions.

Posted in 'cause I'm a bitch, 'cause I'm always right | 2 Comments

Letter about Cole

Posted on August 12, 2010 by

Almost everyone who knows me knows what happened to Brock & Darci’s dog. My mom submitted a letter to her local paper about what happened, but they won’t publish it unless it’s cut down to 300 words. I don’t think it’s possible to do that, so I’m posting it here. The paper is planning to write an article about it, & I’ll post the link once that’s done.

Things to keep in mind when reading this:

  • Cole was missing for 13 days & signs were posted all over town.
  • Animal Control had been contacted & offered to place a cage in the area he was seen in the next time he was spotted.
  • My mom, Brock, & Darci were searching for him every single day.
  • Animal Control policy (per the supervisor) is to tranquillize a pet to bring them in for treatment. Cole was clearly a pet & had a collar & tags, but was shot along the side of the road.
  • The Animal Control officer took Cole’s collar off & dumped his body in the landfill before contacting Brock. The dumping of a pet is also not in line with their policy.
  • He lied about what happened & it took a phone call from my mom about getting Cole’s body for cremation to get the real story out of the guy. He said he shot him because he didn’t think he could get him with the loop & was afraid he would run off into the woods.
  • The officer went to the landfill & picked up Cole’s body after his shift was over then brought it to my mom’s house so she could have him cremated. He also admitted to my mom that he could have handled it differently.
  • The officer didn’t bother to file a report for 5 days.
  • The only reprimand the animal control officer is getting is a letter placed in his file about dumping the body. Nothing about not following procedure for the rest of it. No suspension (we expected that), no retraining, just a letter & back on the job without missing a beat. At least in Galena Park, they admitted that the officer was wrong & action was taken against him.
  • This particular officer has been on the job for 24 years. One would assume that he would be quite familiar with their policies.

My opinion is that even if he really thought Cole wouldn’t make it, he should have followed procedure & tranquilized him. I don’t know what shape he was in, but it’s somewhat conceivable that Cole was in such bad shape that he would not have made it after being given the tranquilizer. (I don’t think this was probably the case for a number of reasons, but I didn’t see him & much like the officer wouldn’t be qualified to make that determination.) Even so, he would have been given a chance & it’s much more humane treatment than shooting him in the head. I realize it’s crass to keep repeating that, but it’s what he did. Cole was very loved and deserved better than that.

I’ll never understand why he shot Cole, but I don’t think he did it out of compassion. If he had, he wouldn’t have felt the need to lie or tried to cover things up. He would have called Brock & told him that he found Cole, but he was in such bad shape that he put him out of his misery. I still wouldn’t have thought it was okay since he is in no way qualified to make that decision, but it would have been better than killing him & dumping his body. By doing so, he disrespected Cole as well as those who loved him. The man disgusts me.

I’m not posting his name, but I will say that if you go to the Wexford County Animal Control site, he’s the only one with a mustache.

On to the letter:

My family has a very special relationship with pets. We have always seen them as family and losing someone this close to you is incredibly hard, especially when the loss is so unnecessary and pointless.

Every summer I watch my son’s dog named Cole while he and his fiancée are on vacation. Cole was a black four-year-old Great Dane who was as sweet as he was big. Cole was an enormous, funny dog, who was afraid of strangers and would often sit on my lap as if he were a lap dog. I always looked forward to having him. This year the unthinkable happened. A door was accidentally opened and Cole ran outside and disappeared.

My son ended his vacation and we immediately launched a frantic search. We placed an ad in the newspaper and on the radio. We nailed dozens of brightly colored posters all over Manton and tried to find him before he got hurt. The Wexford Animal Control offered to place a cage in an area he was recently seen to try to lure him in with food. Soon people began calling to let us know where they had seen Cole. It was incredibly frustrating to miss him every time, sometimes by a matter of minutes, but we continued to spend countless hours looking. Cole had his collar and tags. He was healthy and well taken care of. Even as the odds of finding him dwindled, we never gave up hope and were determined to continue to search.

We had searched for 13 days when my son received a call from an animal control officer who said we could pick up Cole’s collar and tags. The officer told him that he had found Cole in very bad condition, with porcupine quills lodged in his throat and barely able to walk. The vet had done everything he could, but he could not be saved. His body would not be available for cremation. He was simply gone.

It was only after I called the officer to understand why we could not pick up his body when I found out what really happened. Cole is very scared of strangers and tried to walk away when he was found. The officer chose to shoot him in the head, because he was afraid that Cole was going to disappear into the woods. Rather than show basic human kindness and follow procedure to tranquilize the animal for treatment by a veterinarian, he opted to kill Cole along the side of the road. Before even attempting to call my son, Cole’s body was dumped on a landfill like common trash.

We have no way of knowing whether Cole could have survived. He simply never had a chance. Cole was loved very much. He was a member of our family. I will never forgive myself for letting him get away, but the thought of him suffering, alone and afraid for 13 days before being senselessly shot on the side of the road makes his loss unbearable.

Our animal control services are there to protect animals when they need us most, rather than provide expedient disposal of them when they become an inconvenience. We fervently hope that other families never experience the heartache we have and Wexford County takes the necessary steps to avoid needlessly hurting animals in the future.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments